wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I met the friendliest cop last night
Ketchup is God's man juice
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Even my vagina gasped.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
