walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
