i need an iv and a liver transplant
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
