So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
