I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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