Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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