I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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