Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
