People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My bed smells like the plague
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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