i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
