Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
