I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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