I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
