oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have fence marks all over my body
We're too hungover to prance.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
