it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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