I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
