R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
