You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
