Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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