I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
