So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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