these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
