he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The adults are the big ones right?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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