Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
