There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
