Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
