after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
