her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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