Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
