therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
