today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
