when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
