Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Girls should come with a carfax report
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
should my penis look like a turkey
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
