I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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