i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
