so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
