Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
