Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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