who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
