Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
