margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
