I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
