The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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