Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
