Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
