I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
