i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
