it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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