Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
