So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
